EVERY NOW AND THEN*I KNOW

This is my daughter, the one I know, no sultry looks, but smiling, always smiling

For the troops who have been released and are on their way home from their captivity in Iran…and their very delighted, very relieved families.

Isnt he appealing, those puppy dog eyes, the look of hope/uncertainty?

The first is a picture of Jack the pup that Patrick spoke about finding and now living in camp with the Marines. I guess the animals too are the victims of war, yet these by the sound of it are playing a role for the young men out there.  I should imagine playful as puppies tend to be they bring some form of release and relaxation when the lads come back to camp from patrols, not a bad thing if even for a short time.

The situation out there feels even more threatening given the capture by the Iranians of the naval personel and Marines.  The last time I had contact with Pat was Wednesday and he did say then that the patrols he had been assigned to were ending and he would be doing something different. Im not sure where he is at this moment, going by something I trust at a deep level…….my motherly instincts and feel he is safe and well at this moment, but this is worrying and sobering news.

My thought and prayers are with them and also with 3 very young children shown fighting for their lives, their young lungs seared by a chlorine bomb that went off at the house next door to where they were playing. If any blessing at all its that they were being cared for in what appeared to be a well equipped, clean and good hospital, and hopefully recieving strong pain relief as they battle for their lives.

Do what you can not what you cant, so they say, so many candles will be light today, thats all I can do….This will end without a doubt, but this war has already cost so many too much…………..far too much in terms of human suffering.

How did I get here?

Today is one of those good days.  I rang my daughter Rita, turns out she is in Edinburgh enjoying a weekend away courtesy of Thistle Hotels.  Rita and her partner had spent a weekend in one of their hotels some time ago, and in Ritas own words the room was ” BOGGIN”.  She after some procastination complained and was delighted to recieve in the post complimentary bookings for two nights at the hotel for a time of her choosing….Well!!!!!!! its a different story this time apparently she is spending this weekend in the lap of luxury, lol and thouroughly enjoying it..It pays to complain about bad service,poor value for money.. Im glad she is having a good time, she tells me the room overlooks the castle, which is beautifully lit up at night, and having spent a weekend in a hotel close by, I know what she means, the castle looks so romantic and atmospheric lit up against the night sky

Rita also gave me the best news I could have heard since Saturday. She had a text from Pat, that said he had landed safely and was back in camp till a sand storm died down.. Apparently he is based near Basra which is a bit more stable and out in the desert monitoring the border.  Its good to hear he is safe and well and good to know where he is.  I know the rest of Pats company went to Afghanistan and he was disappointed he was not going with his comrades, his company.  The loyalty and sense of belonging and caring for buddies is palpable amongst these young lads

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=peace

This site is one I visit often, when there is little one can do to change things, then I suppose we look for what we can do. I light a candle for peace often, and some others for individual causes. Tonight one is light for the parents who have lost their son yesterday from 45 company, a brave young man and for his buddies, his loss will be felt deeply.

Its been a strange few days, things have changed, I no longer feel whole, and am looking for ways to find a balance.

 Part of me feels as if its missing in a way, part of me was deployed to Iraq with my son I feel, and I wont feel the same again, this experience is already changing me as a mother, a woman, a human being.

I find it difficult to hear the words He will be ok from well meaning friends, he may, but on the other hand he may not, whatever fate deals, Patrick will be changed.  Im not being negative when I say this, I believe the realities are musts, so Ive been looking up sites on the internet, ways of doing something positive.  Ive found one where I can send packages of little things out to the men serving out in Iraq, so thats a will do. 

Other sites Ive looked at have been sites where families tell of the experience and effect of having their sons out there, the reality of how it is for them, their truth rather than a politicians spin. Some how I find this easier to hear which I find strange, its a comfort to know the truth as in some ways rather than sit with a false picture.

Some of the stories are so moving and so harrowing that its got me off my butt and writing to Mr Blair, the man not in power, for I dont see his decision to send troops to Iraq as a decision coming from a place of power anything but..

I do however see him as having a huge responsibility with regard to having made that decision, to ensure the men he sent out to such hostilities have adequate protection in the form of supplies and they dont!!! Shortage of vests, equipment, and outdated vehicles unsuitable for the dangerous situations the soldiers are faced with.

Ive watched stories of mothers who openly speak of how difficult daily life can be at times the worry, the not knowing, some families going as far as to take shifts watching the news reports.

 It was reassuring to watch and hear a mother say from her sons bedroom, ” Sometimes I just need to sit in his room and smell him on the sheets and cry”  Im not going mad after all and whatever it takes to get through, well thats what it takes.

Patrick left his camouflage hat behind, thats all that was on the floor of his room, and I take it with me on my sleepovers, just to have something to hold onto when the pangs of missing come..Im so grateful for that hat, its smell, makes him feel that little closer somehow.

If I sound negative I dont mean to be, in some ways to avoid the realities for me means to dimish the true horror of what Bush’s decision means to so many people on a vast scale, the stories of Iraqi children weeping, draped over a dead parents body…How will they ever begin to forgive I ask myself.

War, invasion, conflict of this scale resolves nothing and the words of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young have real meaning.  Its heartbreaking that as a human race we fail to learn the lesson.

Dont complicate the simple things they say and dont over simplify the complex, its complex I know, so for Tony Blair and his ilk,  come on our screens and simplify this act of horror with their justifications just doesnt wash, when the same politicians refuse to meet face to face and talk to the families affected, whos sons are serving over there and are looking for reassurances and answers…They obviously dont have any!!!!

As I said this was a ramble, Im contacting the support systems available at my sons base, think I will need that community, that sense of belonging, that shared experience, whilst hanging on in their in as positive a way as possible

Thanks for reading and sitting with me for a while