I dont know why but sea foam fascinates me, again I could have stayed here all day just watching the ebb and flow of the waves and the forming of the foam….simple pleasures all free..

The weather was a little kinder this day and we spent most of the day down by the sea in the sunshine.  Times like this I wish I had a stronger telephoto lens on my camera, as Cornwall without surfers well…

And ducks, I seem to have a thing for ducks if Im honest, I just adore the depth of colour of the males and these little ones almost look as if they have been superimposed on this picture I think.  In all there were about 10 ducklings in this little family

NEWS FLASH **** My daughter Rita has just been on the phone, she has scoured Bebo and by comments left on other Marines who are serving with Pat, through the Bebo pages and tickers, she has worked out that Pat is on his way home and could possibily arrive tommorrow or Monday, this said amid squeals of delight, now Im definitely gonna have to find that urge to clean and prepare….Im working till 10pm tommorrow oh gosh the excitement!!!!!! Mother abandoning post for room inspection and leaving you with the Dixie Chicks - not ready to make nice- written as a result of the backlash they experienced after a comment they made about George Bush in the land of freedom….. YOU GO GIRLS!!!

I went a wandering yesterday on the internet..Bebo to be precise, this is where all the young cool dudes hang out apparently. Laura insisted I get my page when she was a student in Warrington, another way of keeping in touch..Anyway the beauty of this was, I typed Royal Marines in Iraq and came across some Bebo pages of lads actually deployed out there with Patrick at the moment.  I copied some photos (as you can do that with Bebo) it was so good to see Pat in pictures working alongside his colleuges, they all look so fresh faced and very much together. 

Look what I found, I had to pinch myself and tell myself that was the same young man who left some 3 months ago.  He looks totally different in his combats and looks so fit and well. The second one was taken as they just before they went out on boat patrol.  Cant wait to see him home!!

Having enjoyed my wander I then went shopping for Alans present, it was his birthday yesterday. We had planned to go out and eat, however the honeymooners who had arrived back from Mexico the other day called round with his present just as we were about to leave. Lorraine and Mark also had the photographers website for veiwing the pictures of the wedding with them, so needless to say we enjoyed looking through the album. They all turned out really well.

I had picked up my mail in between all this and I have finally been given a date for the first hearing which will take place on July 19th.  I will be expected to go to this, which is a moment I have been dreading if Im honest. 

 Legal aid refused to even consider his appeal apparently and I was saddened to read this in his letter from his solicitor ‘ We are given to understand that our client has agreed to fund the rent and expenses of the parties child in London during the forthcoming year which will have a cost of approximately £ 20,ooo.  Incredible given that Simona is funded and merely required a little extra support so she would manage without having to work part time.  This is more than my annual wage, is this man for real!!!  or is this merely what I would call a Bush blunder.

There will be more of this where this came from without a doubt and having felt stuck for so long, not wanting to look back, but unsure of the future and  if it were all worth fighting for at times, I got a boost from the final image I looked at last night on Time and a Word ( thanks Stewart). 

As soon as I saw it I calmed and grounded, thoughts of the 19th of July entered my head and I realised this is a bridge, one I dread in some ways, yet waited so long for in other ways..It came as a wonderful image to symobize the journey I must make, and if I could pick the bridge it would be one as magnificant, beautiful and sturdy as the one I saw last night… FORCA

This started off as a duvet day, lay in bed listening to the rain and wind, caught Jeremy Kyle, Phil and Fearn and finally Loose Women which is a programme I truly enjoyed.. Headed for the shower, and by 3 o’clock the weather looked half decent and we headed off. Where to at the point of departure we didnt know, but after a drive around and a coastal walk this is where we ended up. 

The sun made an appearance for a couple of hours and this veiw point was one I really didnt want to leave, it was so peaceful, tranquil and isolated, its always good to find spaces like this in the busy, busy world and something I find very healing and soothing about them.

Yet even here there was the sense of history, tragedy, past events and sad story. From the viewpoint Im looking down at what little remains of what was once the Panamanian registered coaster The Johanna which came ashore less than 400metres from the lighthouse in the early hours of 31st December 1982. 4 crew members were rescued from RAF Chivenor and 3 officers were taken off later in the day by the Clovelly lifeboat. The ship was carrying wheat from Holland to Barry Island.. I should imagine it was a poignant end to the year for the crew, but thankful to be safe nontheless

The lighthouse itself was automated in 1984 and is now monitored and controlled from a centre in Harwich, Essex.  Little remains of the living quarters that housed the 4 keepers and their families other than traces of the foundations that were once their homes.  The lighthouse area is not accessable to the public as the cliff ledges are deemed as too dangerous… In the far background can be seen Lundy Island.

I really enjoyed the scenery, the walk and when Alan suggested we have a cuppa at the little wooden hut in the car park at the end of the walk I readily agreed…However on the menu were not the usual burgers, hot dogs etc, but home made soup with warm granary bread and YES!!! homemade sticky toffee pudding..How could I resist after all that walking.

I have to say the food was of a standard one would get in a good hotel, served hot and delicious, this was the best meal I had during my stay quality wise, amazing really given that this was a little wooden hut in the middle of nowhere

A delicious Cappucinno to finish, then back in the car just in time as minutes later the heavens opened. The scenery etched in my memory, well fed and happy

Ahhhhhhhh big sigh of contentment

Despite dismal weather most days Alan and I were determined not to let the wind and rain stop us from enjoying our time away. I even found myself laying in bed watching morning t.v. until near on noon, something I would never do at home, I must admit I found myself really enjoying it as the winds blew and the rain pitter pattered on the roof.  What I called my duvet days.

 This picture was taken in Port Issac on a day when the camera crews were filming scenes for the tv series Doc Martin. Ive not watched this as yet but will be tuning in to see if I can catch the episode they were filming here. What a life!!! it obviously takes so long to shoot a scene and to be honest it all looks so tedious and boring, I wouldnt swap jobs for the world. 

 I had to smile this morning as Laura,my daughter,who works for Gold Crest films in London was online saying, she was mingling with Jude Law and Jessica Simpson the other night, she is over at the Cannes film festival at the moment. Hardly competition given I was feet away from the great Martin Clunes..LOL….Back to reality

As you can imagine the narrow streets have to accomodate all the lights extra people standing around waiting to shoot a scene, this looks quite empty, but thats because all the traffic has to be controlled or stopped, it must be a real headache for the inhabitants of the town, but it obvoiusly creates some added revenue. We watched as they changed a shop door replacing it with a replica made of balsa wood and sugar glass, prior to this tractor speeding up the hill with stunt lady on the back, who then alights and runs straight through said glass door…All very exciting.

I had managed to take a picture of the young girl who had been made up to look like she had serious cuts and gashes to her face and hands, however I will spare you this horror..LOL and leave you with these lovely flowers that really brightened an otherwise dank and wet and windy day in Port Issac.

Gosh!!! Doesnt time fly, it doesnt seem like two weeks ago when everyone basked in sunshine, excited, smiling, waiting for the arrival of the bride.. and isnt she beautiful, as all brides are, radiant and happy with her Dad by her side. 

 The weather was perfect and Lorraine and Mark ( the happy couple) had picked a ceremony with a difference.  They had chosen a humanistic minister to perform the marraige ceremony, but it was so personal with the couple, writing their own vows, which was very moving and brought a lump to my throat and sitting behind Alan I could see him take a deep breathe and swallow hard. 

 We sang Bring me Sunshine, which I must admit took everyone by surprise given the association with Morcambe and Wise, yet everyone was swaying and really enjoying the moment, and the words perhaps say a lot about what we should bring one another through union.

Lorraine, Mark and the flower girls Nicole and Natasha and page boy Alex who really were stars and performed their duties with a real sense of ceremony. Beautiful couple, beautiful children and a beautiful setting

I sat with Alans brother and sister and family so it was a nice relaxing day, as you can see too much talking, not enough eating means I was last to finish as usual….Lol.  The food was kept simple and it was delicious…..every last mouthful.

There was a live group to entertain the wedding party, so lots of silly dancing, you know the Slush and the ones that find you down on the floor rowing imaginary boats to the blast of Hawai 50, not so easy to get back up off the floor after one too many glasses of champagne etc etc….But good fun non the less, lots of laughter into the early hours.

I have to admit to being one of the first to surrender to the call of that soft,soft pillow Im sure I heard call my name at around 3am….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

More Than Words
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Nick has a good voice so he would sing as he played, but the temptation to join in was to irresistable for us all and I smile at the memories of it turning into the cats chorus, but the enjoyment was all that really mattered.  Some quite high notes in that song, but we gave it our all with real passion and gusto.. I wonder now what the neighbours thought? The last time I heard him play this was christmas.

Today the song has a different meaning with the wedding just 5 days away and Alan still to finish his father of the bride speech.  Many times over the past few months Ive looked into those puppy dog eyes, pleading, the look thats says ” Please do this for me” Ive been tempted, yet held out, as I said to him all those months ago, ” This is such a unique and special occassion for both you and your daughter, it needs to be YOUR WORDS not mine… I have promised however to draw together what he has got and pull it all together, its been soooooooo hard not to do it for him and watch him struggle, but he will thank me at the end of the day ( Hopefully

It will be a big day for him and we are both oh so looking forward to it, after a get together on the Sunday, we head off for 10 days roaming round Cornwall http://www.jfhols.co.uk/widemouth.htm. We stayed at a similar caravan park a couple of years ago, the best part was the evening swims after a long days exploring looe and the surrounding areas, then finding somewhere to eat with lots of vino……on second thoughts its a close call for the best part…….swim……vino…???

Last time we visited the Eden Project http://www.edenproject.com/ and may visit again to see if there are many changes, I really enjoyed this place, so much variety.  Little driftwood sculptures dotted around amid all the wonderful plants, Im unsure if this is the sculptor but Ive added this site because I find it so amazing what this woman manages to create with driftwood http://www.jansch.freeserve.co.uk/small%20driftwood%20pieces.htm, I love her work and came upon it some time ago when looking for the possibilities for the artworks I had seen at Eden.

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, “Dat’s dem”. The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere,” says Gerry, “Put dem in a peeper bag.” The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.

A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar ‘peeper bag’. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself of the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his head - “Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now you blimmin’ hen gliding”

http://falling-over-laughing.funnypart.com/

One of my first memories of childhood is sitting at the edge of a cornfield wathcing the sun sweep a rolling shadow across the landscape. I was mesmerized, all of four years old, the thought drifted through my mind that God must be doing that, then the thought that he was up there looking down on me, finally the thought that if he was looking down on me then that meant that he could see me, the thought frightened me a little (a lot at the time) and I took to my heels to seek refuge in the company of my mother.

Mum at the time, unbeknown to me, was cleaning the budgie cage out, the bird was out and the dog and I were on the other side of the door, of course her cry not to open the door and let the dog in came a little too late.. We didnt get off to a good start this God and I.

Later I remember watching gliders sail in rich blue skies, again I was captivated, how on earth did they stay up there? I imagined this God just the other side of the clouds and had thought these little planes and their inhabitants were just a whisker away from seeing him, long white beard and all. I wondered what it would be like to go up there and get that close, but told myself that this was only for the rich,something out of my reach.I had absolutely no religious input in my childhood, yet always had the sense that there was something bigger up there, out there, I loved the mystery I think.

Its another memory that stayed and hung around for a long long time and many years later I saw advertised in a local newspaper trial flights at a local airfield nearby. I booked,spur of the moment decision whilst out shopping one day, I only had to make the decision when by giving the airfield a phone and organise a good day weatherwise.

The day came and  I decided I would just have to do it, no ifs, no buts.  I was told to come along whenever I wanted. I left the house with seven little faces cheering me on, but thinking ‘ this is madness, what if something happens, all the what if’s I could muster, what would people say if something did happen…..Stupid woman.dah dah dah..

When I got to the airfield another group of gliders had arrived from Carlise and I was told I would have to wait until they had taken their flights, to come back in a couple of hours..WHAT!!! I had doubts, if I went back home my courage would melt into thin air and I may well not make it back to the airfield. But home I went and found it hard to focus on anything other than not talking myself out of this experience, I had some wonderful arguements with myself that morning.

When I finally made my way back I still had to wait another half hour so I went for a drive around the field, my heart was pounding, the very idea of actually going up was causing Adrenalin to pump through my body like a rampant fire, I was stressed to the point of paralysis at times, not speaking, not daring to think too much. It was when I parked up on this drive that I noticed a young child with her father, she was endevouring to ride her bike, without stabilizers. As I watched her shriek with fear and delight, wobble, fall and get up and try again, I remembered the fear and excitement of learning to ride a two wheeler myself, did I or she give up? Did we heck, we carried on despite the fear and learned what we wanted so much to learn.. That young girl restored my courage, my purpose and off I went, renewed.

I off course had expected some Tom Cruise look alike, this was not to be, my pilot was a retired gentleman, with many deep lines on his face, I was later to find out he was nearing 70.  I dismissed my fears that he could well be a canditate for a coronary and replaced these with the comfort of telling myself, those lines speak of a deep experience of life and gliding especially. I had to trust just as the little girl had trusted her father.

I was shaking like a leaf,when this flimsy little thing took to the air, and with bated breathe waited for the big drop when the winch that was pulling us upwards was released, but this was not how it was. I was taken completely by surprise when the plane just sat there, suspended in what seemed like nothingness, and only this beautiful stillness, sunshine and peace.

I remembered a prayer that I had heard. Christ on my left side, Christ on my right side, Christ above me, Christ below me….or words to that effect, and thats exactly how it felt at that moment as if cradled in the hands of God himself. The sun streaming into the tiny cockpit and looking down to the land below and all around me felt like I was in the womb of the world, one of the most beautiful days I have ever experienced.

The pilot was excellent, showing me thermals of warm air and shelves that held the plane up allowing it to glide, though they were invisible to my eye I was happy to believe him, also showing me how the controls work by shifting weights etc, he even allowed me to have a go, and I did for a minute, just a minute however, just in case!!

All in all I was up in the air for around 25minutes and loved every moment. My legs were like jelly when I was back on terra firma, and stopping at some traffic lights on the way home I had an overwhelming urge to jump out and grab the man sat opposite me and do the happy dance of ‘Guess what Ive just done’, however I saved that for the children who I was only too delighted to see again.

No air conditioning, no sickbags or safety jackets, just wings and mother nature….Unforgettable

I hear at the beginning of May hopefully that my case can finally be brought before a judge, only then can I book with confidence… Patience is a virtue so they say….

Ive not been working at the service much these past two weeks, having been fortunate enough to access some really excellent external training. Some of this has been quite inspiring, especially another Recovery day held by a man I have a great deal of admiration for, as very often speakers include those who have managed to recapture a quality of life and find their voices again, in situations that would appear to go against the odds. His work is evolved from his own personal experience, perhaps the best qualification anyone could have. This is a link to his site for his own personal story. http://www.roncolemanvoices.co.uk/TheRonColemanStory/tabid/53/Default.aspx. Its quite amazing how he has managed to turn his life around and go on to enable others to do the same.

This course was funded by the Scottish Recovery Network which is doing some excellent work in some areas of Scotland to change the language surrounding Mental Illness and challenge and hopefully move attitudes forward to a more positive place to work from, for example, most people will experience long periods of wellness, yet get caught up in a system that tends to focus on the illness or the label and diagnosis, signs and symptoms and do little to encourage finding ways other than medication of finding coping strategies to deal with and support them through crisis, and still value themselves, without writing people off, with this is how it will always be.

The majority of the people I work with see their psychiatrist, if lucky, once every 3 months for 15 minutes of what I often feel is a token gesture, a formality, jobs done. Yet some of those I work with are capable of so much more and deserve more.

Yesterday I went on Path training, this was lots of fun, and is a tool I had already used with successful outcomes with someone I work with. It starts with big, big dreams and allowing yourself the opportunity to explore those, as very often within those big dreams there is something that when broken down is very achievable in the here and now. At times these little steps have enabled people to come close to realising something that has come close to their big dream and improved their quality of life and confidence in their own capabilities.

http://www.communityworks.info/pathcf.htm

I of course worked with my big dream of going to Africa and going  through the process,I realised so much more I want to achieve and those important people who are included in those dreams who will support me along the way. The little steps I need to take today, where I see myself in a years time and then in two years time. As Ive said before, life can so often get in the way, it can be difficult to focus on keeping our dreams alive to bring them to fruition. Thats when I find myself not giving up and repeating those lines I read in a book written by Primo Levi many years ago. “If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?”

Perhaps in all of this is the profound knowledge that we are all interconnected, I struggle daily with my job description, Supporting people to Independence, and so often have to break the rules, the policies and procedures in order just to be a real human being to those I work alongside, and hearing from the horses mouth at a recent conference, that it was the worker who was willing to break the rules, who enabled him to make the journey to wellness, well!! thats all I need to know

This video is very symbolic for me, times I am part of the tower, times the child who has lost his football, perhaps shot too far, but as long as there are shoulders of giants to help me recover………………….Dont know what health and safety policy would say about whats going on here though, but does it really matter????

FORCA..