Ramblings
Its been a strange few days, things have changed, I no longer feel whole, and am looking for ways to find a balance.
Part of me feels as if its missing in a way, part of me was deployed to Iraq with my son I feel, and I wont feel the same again, this experience is already changing me as a mother, a woman, a human being.
I find it difficult to hear the words He will be ok from well meaning friends, he may, but on the other hand he may not, whatever fate deals, Patrick will be changed. Im not being negative when I say this, I believe the realities are musts, so Ive been looking up sites on the internet, ways of doing something positive. Ive found one where I can send packages of little things out to the men serving out in Iraq, so thats a will do.
Other sites Ive looked at have been sites where families tell of the experience and effect of having their sons out there, the reality of how it is for them, their truth rather than a politicians spin. Some how I find this easier to hear which I find strange, its a comfort to know the truth as in some ways rather than sit with a false picture.
Some of the stories are so moving and so harrowing that its got me off my butt and writing to Mr Blair, the man not in power, for I dont see his decision to send troops to Iraq as a decision coming from a place of power anything but..
I do however see him as having a huge responsibility with regard to having made that decision, to ensure the men he sent out to such hostilities have adequate protection in the form of supplies and they dont!!! Shortage of vests, equipment, and outdated vehicles unsuitable for the dangerous situations the soldiers are faced with.
Ive watched stories of mothers who openly speak of how difficult daily life can be at times the worry, the not knowing, some families going as far as to take shifts watching the news reports.
It was reassuring to watch and hear a mother say from her sons bedroom, ” Sometimes I just need to sit in his room and smell him on the sheets and cry” Im not going mad after all and whatever it takes to get through, well thats what it takes.
Patrick left his camouflage hat behind, thats all that was on the floor of his room, and I take it with me on my sleepovers, just to have something to hold onto when the pangs of missing come..Im so grateful for that hat, its smell, makes him feel that little closer somehow.
If I sound negative I dont mean to be, in some ways to avoid the realities for me means to dimish the true horror of what Bush’s decision means to so many people on a vast scale, the stories of Iraqi children weeping, draped over a dead parents body…How will they ever begin to forgive I ask myself.
War, invasion, conflict of this scale resolves nothing and the words of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young have real meaning. Its heartbreaking that as a human race we fail to learn the lesson.
Dont complicate the simple things they say and dont over simplify the complex, its complex I know, so for Tony Blair and his ilk, come on our screens and simplify this act of horror with their justifications just doesnt wash, when the same politicians refuse to meet face to face and talk to the families affected, whos sons are serving over there and are looking for reassurances and answers…They obviously dont have any!!!!
As I said this was a ramble, Im contacting the support systems available at my sons base, think I will need that community, that sense of belonging, that shared experience, whilst hanging on in their in as positive a way as possible
Thanks for reading and sitting with me for a while
